Humor March 2023
I’m Not Making This Stuff Up
Written by John G. Browning
One of the most common questions I get from readers of this humor
column is whether I’ve ever been tempted to make up content during
“slow” periods. To put it bluntly—no, and the endless parade of the
legally weird never seems to slow down. Case in point: not long after
sending off January’s column showcasing fugitives who got caught after
commenting on law enforcement social media posts about them, it happened
again. Christopher Spaulding was apparently miffed when he was left off
the Rockdale County (Georgia) Sheriff’s Office “Most Wanted List” on the
law enforcement agency’s Facebook page. So, the 40-year-old man sent a
message from his personal Facebook account asking, “How about me?”
Rockdale police were only too happy to oblige Spaulding, who had two
outstanding felony violations of probation warrants. Within days,
Rockdale’s finest had an updated Facebook post: a photo of a handcuffed
Spaulding with the caption “We appreciate you for your assistance in
your capture!” Ouch.
Another category—what one might call the gift that keeps on giving—is
the ever-popular Zoom fails. If you’ve ever had an embarrassing glitch
or tech mishap while on Zoom (or have had to explain that you’re not, in
fact, a cat), then take heart that it could have been much worse. For
example, you could have been the unfortunate (and unnamed) barrister in
England’s Sheffield Crown Court recently. The lawyer was one of multiple
counsel representing 13 defendants charged with smuggling drugs and a
cellphone into prison. Some lawyers were attending in person, while
others were attending via common video platform, or CVP, a secure
digital network used by the British judiciary. The plea hearing presided
over by Recorder Jeremy Richardson KC was going fine—that is until loud
“porn noises” were heard. An unidentified (and undoubtedly mortified)
lawyer finally came forward, admitting that the X-rated sounds were
coming from his computer and hastening to add, “It’s so strange how
easily you can be hacked these days.” An upset Judge Richardson abruptly
ended the hearing and announced that future hearings could not
be held via CVP. I hope that hapless lawyer has learned a valuable
lesson.
Of course, some Zoom fails involve judges themselves. During a
November 16 court hearing held on the videoconferencing platform, a
Colombian judge appeared lounging in her underwear and puffing on a
cigarette. The hearing involved a June 2021 car bombing. When an
attorney at the hearing informed the judge that her camera was on, she
immediately turned the device off. The video of the scantily clad
34-year-old judge quickly went viral. Not long afterward, Colombia’s
Judicial Disciplinary Commission placed the judge on unpaid leave and
launched an investigation, calling her failure to comply with the
judicial dress code “not consistent with the care, respect and
circumspection with which a judge of the republic must administer
justice.” In her defense, the judge maintained she was lying down after
suffering an anxiety attack.
The judge from Colombia isn’t the only judge in hot water because of
attire (or lack thereof). A Kentucky judge is facing ethics charges
before that state’s judicial conduct commission. Some of the charges
involve alleged use of his office to pressure people for campaign
donations, as well as claims that he required people to participate in a
particular drug treatment program because he had a connection to it. But
other charges leveled against the judge concern some odd behavior. He
allegedly retaliated against a sheriff’s deputy, believing that deputy
had shared courthouse camera footage of the judge wandering the
courthouse in his underwear with a local news station.
Another judge’s choice of attire is getting attention as well. As New
York tabloid news readers have learned, a recent city judiciary
appointment is also known in some circles as “Sir Jibril al-Dakhil,” a
knight he cosplays as during his spare time as a member of the
role-playing group Society for Creative Anachronism. Soon newspapers
were running photos of the judge in full knightly garb.
And finally, you may have known that you have the right to remain
silent, but did you know that you also have the right to be boring?
Well, at least that’s true in France, where a man who was fired for
being “too boring” was recently vindicated. According to Paris’ Court of
Cassation, the unnamed employee was fired in 2015 from Paris-based
consulting firm Cubik Partners. Cubik openly espoused a “fun” approach
to work, allegedly holding mandatory parties and alcohol-fueled training
activities for its workers. The plaintiff was purportedly fired because
of his reluctance or refusal to take part in such hijinks, failing to
embody the company’s “party” atmosphere, and for being “boring.” The
court awarded the former employee the equivalent of $3,000, saying he
was entitled “to refuse company policy based on incitement to partake in
various excesses.”
So, with all due respect to the Beastie Boys, here in the United States,
you may have to fight for your right to party but in France, you
apparently have to fight for your right to be boring. TBJ
JOHN G. BROWNING
is a former justice of the 5th Court of Appeals in Dallas. He is a
past chair of the State Bar of Texas Computer & Technology Section.
The author of five books and numerous articles on social media and the
law, Browning is a nationally recognized thought leader in technology
and the law.
