July 13, 2007
 
April 1997 - He Could Be Out Practicing Law?

From John Lamonaco of Dallas (John, a very successful businessman who admits to being friends, with past DBA President (etc.) Louis J. Weber), this deposition excerpt sent to John by his son, a doctor in Houston - who thinks the witness is Dr. "Red" Duke of Houston.

Attorney: So, doctor, you determined that a gunshot wound was the cause of death in the patient?

Doctor: That's correct.

Attorney: Did you examine the patient when he came to the emergency room?

Doctor: No, I performed the autopsy.

Attorney: Okay, were you aware of his vital signs while he was in the hospital?

Doctor: Yes, he came in to the emergency room in shock and died in the emergency room a short time after arriving.

Attorney: Did you pronounce him dead at that time?

Doctor: No, I am the pathologist who performed the autopsy. I was not involved with the patient initially.

Attorney: Well, are you even sure, then, that he died in the emergency room?

Doctor: That is what the records indicate.

Attorney: But if you weren't there, how could you have pronounced him dead, having not seen or physically examined the patient at that time?

Doctor: The autopsy showed massive hemorrhage into the chest, and that was the cause of death.

Attorney: I understand that, but you were not actually present to examine the patient and pronounce him dead, isn't that right?

Doctor: No sir, I did not see the patient or actually pronounce him dead, but I did perform an autopsy and right now his brain is in a jar over at the county morgue. As for the rest of the patient, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere.


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Real life Texas Courtroom Humor. Since 1980, U.S. District Judge Jerry Buchmeyer has entertained lawyers far and wide with his "et cetera" column in the Texas Bar Journal. For this page, we've reached into the vault to bring you classic material spanning two decades of courtroom humor, most of which comes straight from actual depostions and trials.

Contributions to et cetera should be mailed to U.S. District Judge Jerry Buchmeyer, U.S. District Court, Northern District of Texas, 1100 Commerce St., 15th Floor, Dallas, TX, 75242. Or you can email suggestions to tbj@texasbar.com.


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Classic Articles

Labor Relations: The Wututtut Review Brimelow v. Casson (& A Strike)
June 1983

Jurisdiction: Serving Satan Mayo v. Satan & His Staff
February 1984

Judicial Reasoning: "The Law Is A Ass"
December 1983

'Tis the Season
December 1984

A Fable
March 1985

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